perro nueve

flat on my face.

My lungs are full of laughing gas
that hurts so bad, i want to scream-
but all i can do is laugh.

When i think about him,
my heart starts beating
faster & faster
slower & slower
creating a hole in my chest that
becomes flooded by my uncried tears,
that swish and splish around,
splashing the zillions of butterflies in
my stomach that he gives me...
leaving me feeling both frozen and overheated
to the point when my knees give out and i fall
down those stairs, head-over-heels,
in love.

no.

your heart is beating,
i can feel it.
its warm and unsettling.

you're not allowed to have me.
you had me once & never again.
i loved you once & always will.

please don't persuade me to do anything i'll regret.
please don't do this to me.
my mind races as your hands press firmly.

closer. closer. closer. close.
please don't do this to me.
thinking everything,
saying nothing.

"i can't do this. i have to go."