"fat fuck"

my words are paper thin...
i wish i was paper thin.

"nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels."
...since i've never really been skinny,
how could i possibly discern between the two sensations?



never enough.
never enough.
never enough.
downward spiral.
nostalgia evolves into a state of deja vou.
unpleasant stimuli remind me of youth...
unpleasant memories.
not okay.

this self.sabotage will be much more
affective than years ago. i want it to be...

my heart is broken,
but i can't feel it.
i like this...
this disability.

i can't feel all the hurt.
it's not like it used to be.

i've done too much.
i'll turn around eventually...
but for now, i can't help but indulge.

or lack thereof.