am i depriving myself? i am not an opportunist.
sometimes i wonder if the similar qualities in each new being of interest are just part of some twisted game being played on me, warped only to deceive me and ruin me. [pass GO-->Collect $200]
they all seem so alike.
i feel so helpless.
i want so badly to find something new-
i don't necessarily feel held back,
i'm just starving for something...
is it really so wrong to pursue someone
just for the sake of having someone?
thats all anything ever derives from, right?
similar interests which develop lasting relationships?
you've got to start somewhere.
...i thought i had someone.
who am i loyal to? certainly not myself.
i feel so unbelievably misguided... confused.
i'm using a false label as an alibi to keep me out of trouble.
i'm not lying when i say i'm preoccupied- my heart is taken.
mixed signals & the longing- i do it to myself.
there's no one to really blame here, i'm actually comfortable.
i guess all i really want is certainty-
which is ironic, since life is unpredictable.
i am selfish, and i want to live my life the way i used to-
but something inside me puts up this supernatural field,
keeping me safe from wordly harm... its miserable.
i want to do what i want, but can't. i'm out of control...
and am now i'm the victim of a useless power struggle.
...too many days have felt like today.
